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Men and Women are Different.

Lien of OZ

"It is not good for man to be alone," is the first clue that the nature of woman was to be different from that of the man. So God created two sexes. They aren’t the same but like two pieces of a puzzle they fit together. Perhaps we have only just begun to define these differences which for generations have merely been taken for granted and in some cases abused.

Exceptions there are but as a rule men are expected to be:-

  • Tough and strong and women tender and gentle. It is easy to conclude that these expectations are not always fulfilled. Why?

  • Men tend toward logic and linear thinking.

  • Women lean toward emotional feeling and verbal communication.

  • Men are risk takers.

  • Men view themselves as self -reliant. They value their freedom.

  • Women long for mutual dependence and emphasise caring.

  • Women seek security and order.

  • Men are not dependent upon sensitivity in relationships, women are; they crave sensitivity.

  • Men are often more sceptical and suspicious. Women in general, are more trusting. While men may be drawn toward women by their physical attraction, women look more for intellect, personality and characteristics that move them emotionally.

*Remember the general rule is not determined by the exceptions.

These attitudes might be summarised in seven major differences.

 Men Women
1Chauvinistic cold logic More emotional
2Work oriented Relationship oriented
3Goal oriented Enjoy the detailed processes
4Learn by analysis Know intuitively
5Physically strong Physically weaker
6Often feel inadequate More often to feel depressed
7Can only cope with one issue at a timeAble to appreciate past , present & future

Take 2. for example; accomplishing the goal versus enjoyment of the process. When husbands go shopping they hunt for the object they wish to purchase. Wives on the other hand browse and may not even purchase what they set out for. Rarely however, do they come home empty handed.

"Why can't a women be more like a man?" are words in the song from ‘My Fair Lady.’ It is also the cry of the modern day feminist movement who might assertively add:- " Women's faults maybe many while men have only two:– ‘Everything they say and everything they do!’....... "

What are little boys made of?What are little girls made of?
What are little boys made of?What are little girls made of?
Frogs and snails and puppy dog’s tails,Sugar and spice and everything nice,
That’s what little boys are made of.That’s what little girls are made of.

Men and women boys and girls are different and it’s not just a matter of genital plumbing.

Unfortunately our modern ‘enlightened’ culture is persuaded that the only differences are those of plumbing. Equality is the name of the game and competitiveness, the battle ground. One feminist Christine Gorman has suggested that:- once sexism is abolished the world will become, apart from a few anatomical differences, a perfectly equitable androgynous place.

The Scriptures, honest social research, biological and psychological scientific data all confirm the fact that men and women are different but modern social culture does not want ‘the issues’ to be confused by facts.

Joyce Brothers writes:- "I’ve spent months talking to biologists, neurologists, geneticists, research psychiatrists and psychologists only to discover that men are far more different from women than I had ever known. Yes their bodies are different. Their minds are different. Men are different from the very composition of their blood to the ways their brains develop, which means that they think and experience life differently from women." What Every Woman Should Know About Men.

Almost from conception boy and girl brains are found to be wired differently. Somewhere near the 26th week of gestation the developing child in the mother’s womb experiences a kind of chemical wash which for a male child, results in the partial destruction of fibres connecting the left to the right side of the brain. Very likely this is where a woman finds capability for bi-lateral thinking while men remain essentially unilateral. Gary Smalley comments that:- "all women recognise this, namely, that all men are partially brain damaged from birth."

Within less than 52 hours of birth subtle sex-linked expressions and behaviour patterns have regularly been confirmed. Moreover, in spite of persistent efforts to bring about unisex behaviour in child play and pre-school centres, boys want to play with cars and trucks while girls are much more quickly drawn to dolls and kitchen toys. Toy manufacturers have spent millions of dollars unsuccessfully in attempting to come up with unisex toys.

Thus:–

Girls are able to use both sides of their brain because of better fibre linkages between left and right hemispheres. Therefore the sexes process information differently.

Boys outperform girls in tests of spatial ability and shine in mathematics involving abstract concepts.

Girls however communicate sooner than boys. Their left brain is more specialised for this purpose.

Boys outnumber girls in remedial reading.

Boys body co-ordination exceeds that of girls but not when it comes to manipulative hand activity.

Nature or Nurture.
Debate still rages whether nature or nurture determines the differences in behaviour and the sexual personality of the sexes. Unfortunately militant feminism has gained such a strong influence over recent decades that emphasis on aspects of female nurturing has had an adverse effect on the breeding of boys. To the extent that a sense of shame or passivity has been induced in the male population. The prospect of a society without men of strength and character is bleak. Man's purpose is progressively being restricted to entering the family unit only for the purpose of mating to prevent extinction. Then if homosexual behaviour is permitted to run its course and to continue unabated, the human race could almost be extinct in little over 100 years.

Over the last two decades school for boys has become an unfavourable environment. This situation has unfolded not only because of the strong feminist push to bring girls education up to scratch but results from the fact that a large majority of boys enter the largely feminine school environment under-fathered. Such boys fail to find role models who can emphasis that learning is a masculine activity and that other men are interested in them. Sadly over recent years school has become predominantly feminised.

Already troubled in personality boys both cause and face more disciplinary problems than their female student population. By ‘playing up’ these boys unconsciously exhibit a need to be engaged, valued and disciplined by strong caring males. Something female teachers cannot provide. Lacking a father’s affection boys then drift into aggressive behaviour as a substitute means for getting attention.

Boys can be a problem but they don’t wilfully chose to be difficult. Well might any female teacher object:- " Why should boys get more attention?" If they don’t these will be the men that girls will one day soon work with and one day marry. They will be unable to meet their inate female needs. Things will never improve for these girls, now or in the future, unless boys are helped to become men by receiving the male affirmation needed for their mature growth.

Parenting Children
Much confusion arises in today’s politically correct society. There was a time when it was considered that aggressive romping was appropriate and normal for boys now we are told that this should be curbed under risk of child abuse. When similar behaviour is suggested for girls it is to be complemented as establishing their assertiveness. Such a paradox becomes even more difficult for the single mother who has herself endured male abusiveness. For her is seems appropriate to curb squabbling or fighting between her boys while condoning assertiveness in her girls as teaching them to stand up for themselves. This mother cannot bring up her boys to be different kind of men from those who have been abusive toward her. Already we are creating a whole generation of passive feminised men. Though women have thought that they might respond to the ‘sensitive new age guy’ [SNAG’s] they have found them contemptible. Women wants men to whom they can respond. Boys in particular will always emulate the kind of man they have grown up with. Where their father has been disrespectful or brutish toward their mother or women in general, this in general, is the kind man they too will become. Father is the principle role model for his sons and a single mum needs to find a substitute role model to bring into the life of her boys for she cannot create masculinity in her male children on her own.

Angela Philips comments:- " There are differences between boys and girls which neither nature nor nurture can modify but which we fail to address. Feminism has made great strides toward removing girls from the stigma of being born female but its cause will not be helped by breading boys who are ashamed to be male. We are heading for a future in which men are the rogue elephants of society roving around the family unit and allowed access only for the process of mating. The prospect is a bleak one and holds out little promise either for men or for society." "The Trouble With Boys"

The Church has a vital role in re-establishing the biblical pattern for moulding real men capable of responsibly leading strong family units and nurturing to maturity children secure in their respective masculine and feminine complementarity.

Ecclesiastes 12:9 Not only was the Teacher wise, but also he imparted knowledge to the people. He pondered and searched out and set in order many Proverbs 10 The Teacher searched to find just the right words, and what he wrote was upright and true.

To Conclude The Matter.
While the world of science is often used to avoid confronting God it generally can be found to consistently confirm biblical precepts. This is also true regarding differences between the sexes.

  1. Women have a greater sense of relationship. A characteristic which colours a woman's whole life.

  2. She has a greater need for conversation in creating and understanding relationships. Meanwhile men talk simply to solve problems at which point conversation ends.

  3. Women see a greater need for dependence between people while men see people as independent or self-reliant.

  4. Women emphasise caring while men value separation and freedom.

  5. Women assess actions within a context, as one aspect of the detail of the whole–linking each action. Men often regard events in isolation.

So we might continue. Such observations result in showing the personality differences noted in adult men and women and rather than ending up in competitive controversy, it would be far better for both if men and women appreciated each other in complementarity. The futility of seeking total equality of sexes will only bring further frustration and endless conflict. Every effort should be made to direct male children to possess their masculinity and females their femininity. The value in the differences in the sexes needs to find new emphasis. One sex is not inherently brighter than the other; just different. One sex is not wrong and the other right; bright or stupid. For stable relationships in work, socially and in marriage both male and female ways of thinking are required.

God has created male and female in such a way that part of us remains missing. Something that can only be found in the other. Each have different needs that can only be fulfilled by the other.

The Hindu Upanishad’s carry the proverb:-
 " Wherever there is other there is fear!"

Often it is this "otherness" which men fear. For it is beyond or outside their control. This unwarranted fear is not any one [or even women in general], but what she/they represents– part of himself– that "mystic" emptiness which he should otherwise have to admit is missing. Though few men would be prepared to admit it, they fear the [sexual] power that women have over them. Sometimes he reacts violently in order to suppress that which is ‘outside’ himself. The femininity of a women is to him a source of threat for it so often reminds him of what he so often tries to suppress. A side of his "nature" he needs but is unable to satisfy from within himself. The average man denies any feminine features within his own nature. Without acknowledging his personal incompleteness many a man feels insecure. Out of this insecurity men for ages past have attempted to suppress and/ or possess womankind; some even violently. This ‘sexist’ attitude is no longer socially acceptable nor an economic imperative. The women’s movement, in particular, over the last 30 years, has justly overturned this fraudulent aspect of male dominance. Seen objectively no women should ever be regarded as an antagonist or opponent to a man; as one who must be brought into subjection. True liberty however, will not be restored by female–male confrontation and competitiveness but rather by recognising true complementarity.

To a man a woman may be likened to a key that starts a ‘mechanism’ within him and she alone can function because the man already has the lock within him that matches her key. Taking this analogy further it might be suggested that each key and each lock are somehow coded to one man and one woman. Without the code the treasures of the union can then only be obtained by theft.

Perhaps this is why Paul was inspired to write to the church in Ephesus defining marriage as a mystery reflecting the relationship between God and His Church. Thus, he addresses husbands and wives separately. Directing that husbands are to love their wives and that wives are to respect their husbands. Factors which meet their respective emotional needs. For a wife needs to feel that she is loved and a husband that he is appreciated. Men need to feel significant in what they achieve for they are sensitive of failure. These elements each reflect firstly, the fundamental relational needs of women and secondly, achievement in the work or creativity of men. Wives crave for love; husbands long to be respected for what they do or achieve.

Love is to a man a thing apart.... tis a woman’s whole existence. Lord Byron

(Eph 5:32,33 NIV) This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church . However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Femininity Laments
Alternatively: Wither the Abdication and Subjugation of Western Manhood.

Stimulated by various aspects of the feminist movement over the last two decades, women in general have, with increased awareness of their personal competence, been more effectively affirming themselves in their secular work place, in business and in politics. In the church we have also seen the rising tide of feminist camaraderie, highlighted publicly by the pursuit for Anglican denominational ordination to the office of Priest.

This is public testimony of what some would address as an assertive expression of feminism in the visible church. However, in the invisible "spiritual church" another quiet revolution of a different order is continuing throughout the "body". This revolution of feminine strength, though not in anyway in partnership with the feminist, is expressing itself in spiritual confidence, competence and capability. Godly leadership from men, in addition to those in organisational dominance, is being challenged. This strength in womanhood has not in any sense arisen because of competitive desires but to fill a void in their inner being as they search for a headship to which they might respond. Meanwhile, men of the church appear either oblivious to the spiritual zeal that captivates their wives and daughters or have surrendered in fear of the women's initiative. Maybe because all too often it clearly reminds him of his lack.

A woman may either find her identity and strength in her husband and thus, complete him or she may insubordinately desire to control her husband and find that he will still rule. Today many women, in disillusionment, find that men have capitulated. Meanwhile, other women in their struggle for personal female autonomy, seeking to be free from male dominance, discover that the liberty they were looking for is not to be found in affirmative action or through male/female rivalry. Rather, what they really seek, is Godly, selfless headship in men. Men to whom they could respond in wedded complementary help and yes, even in submissiveness, respectfully earned. But so few men measure up. only when men are healed from their introverted masculine decadence will the healing and desired responsiveness of women follow.

The concept of male headship is often construed by many woman as a threat and men, called to lead, now fear a woman's initiative for, all too often, this reminds him of his lack. From whence comes this fear of female initiative and his lack of innate manliness.

Where is manhood lagging? Where is it lacking?
The role of women in the home, the community and the workforce has radically changed in the western world in little over one generation. In the 1950’s most women were still prepared to accept a status of powerlessness and passively endured. They merely concluded that this was the price they had to pay for having been born female. A few men recognised the inequities but even less endeavoured to appreciate the strengths of woman-hood and modify their role of domination. Daughters of the 90’s have now entered a new world where opportunities for equal employment and equal pay are offered. Great numbers of men have not been able to cope or adjust to this revolution. Many have capitulated and have abdicated their masculine role altogether. Others have tried to redouble their efforts, mostly out of fear and emotional weakness, to keep women in their place, by ridicule, contempt and in some cases mindless violence. A sad consequence of this situation being that many women have now learned and are enabled to separate from such men. However, thousands of children have now become the unfortunate debris of transient relationships; a fatherless generation. A generation parented by single mothers whose lives have been scared by aggressive or helpless males.

The apparent spiritual aimlessness, weakness, lethargy and nervousness in men is a major issue which cannot be laid at the feet of insurgent feminism. Women against their will have been sucked into the vacuum created by weakened male leadership, in the church, the community and more particularly in the home. Confusion, self pity and just plain laziness are enveloping men in self-protective "cocoons" of defensive silence. This malaise is one of the most besetting sins infesting the church and Christian homes in western nations. In the face of weakened male leadership the spiritual vision and strength of woman is endorsed as a major virtue. Meanwhile Satan is masterminding this insurgency by suggestively implying that any desire for masculine leadership stems from pride and arrogance when in fact pride is that very sin which inhibits true spiritual leadership. True spiritual leadership stems from the servant-hood, the ability to carry the burdens of home and family and in the church and to care for each saint and sinner alike.

God's given order is for leadership by spiritual men. While there are many who might suggest other, or even better ways, to mobilise men and women for the mission of the church men must take primary responsibility. Men with moral vision for their families. Men with a zeal for God, for His House and Kingdom. Men with tender-hearted compassion and a tenacity to make it real. Spiritual men committed to the Word of God. Then the voice of womanhood will rejoice and enter joyful partnership to uphold the pattern and union of mature manhood and womanhood capable of reflecting the glory of God; imaging Him.

God still intends to mobilise the church through a company of spiritual men who will take primary responsibility to lead their wives, to love, encourage and strengthen their children and minister in the church. When men begin to undertake this primary role all other ministries will fit into place. God is calling all men to restore their masculine souls through prayer, repentance, forgiveness and humble obedience and so serve God, their families and each other in THE Church.

Turning again the hearts of the fathers to the children and the children to the fathers. Thence the disobedient to the wisdom of the just.